Game 5 Summer 6’s 2016
The Porks v Brown Eyes
8pm Field 10.
Tonight the heat was stifling and so was the opposition.
We thought the Rivals were our opposition but they were ejected after round 2 of the competition for being very silly boys. Brown Eyes took their spot featuring the one and only Mitch Hutchinson -nephew of the greatest referee to ever pull on a pair of Porks socks – Mr. H.
The Porks had 8 players for tonight’s match meaning just 2 subs to help leave a mark on some Brown Eyes.The ex Premier League players were young enough to be our piglets.Having only 1 sub on their bench didn’t bother them.
Our supporters were a little thin on the ground but we had injured players Piggy Bancks and Slash Ace assisting Babe our mascot as our cheer squad. The 3 were capable of creating enough noise to drown out an Air Guitar concert.
The Porks had possession from our kick off for at least 5 seconds which was a pretty good achievement. It didn’t take long to see that we were up against possibly
the best side we’ve encountered since our humble beginnings. Our usual Pig solid defence was no match for their attack & some of their shots at goals left Keeper Wild Boar grasping at thin air. The score was 0-0 after 5 mins then the flood gates opened the likes of which not even a pig wearing a suit & cape could contain. It was 3 nil in next to no time.
The Porks Rotisserie was in full swing. Coach Mick immediately turned to our Sports Bible – aptly named Porks Ball Sports for Pigs & Dummies – and flicked through to Rule no.750 Which States “when you’re playing a team this good this Bible has absolutely no answers, so Good luck,you’re on your own” ! So with that Mick left us & went straight for the red lollies & Red Slushie at the Bowlo.
We did what we could when we could and that amounted to not very much but skidding around chasing Brown Eyes. It was a task in itself just marking Brown Eyes as they were light footed and sometimes you thought you had to cover 3 players when actually it was just one guy moving around you exceptionally fast.
We heard them calling for the ball, heard them letting their team mates know if they had time on the ball etc. Even with this information it was extremely hard to stop them.
Watching a team of quality players putting through pin point accurate passes the length of the field & seeing one touch control was something The Porks might not quite master before taking up residency at nearby Feros Village. Brown Eyes were just running through us like a bad case of diarrhea. The Porks luckily had their moments & found range numerous times from the boot of Dan Beckham and others but either their keeper was up to the task or we kicked wide.
Brown Eyes liked Back Heel so much they decided to spend half their shots on goals using the Back Heel technique & I must say they were very good at it. Nearly scoring.
The opposition found another gear and scored again from a corner kick. It was a magnificent volley belted by Mitch Hucho who unfortunately was left unmarked at the back of our goalmouth.
Mr. H blew the whistle for half time.
5-0 Brown Eyes.
We knew it wasn’t a battle that we could win but it was now about limiting the on field damage & having respect in the Porks jersey.
HusseyHof in goals & Wild Boar on field were our only changes.
Brown Eyes kicked off.
We were not comfortable seeing 5 or 6 players ( their keeper would come out to play also ) constantly running full tilt towards our goals like we weren’t there. But it was difficult to stop them.
When they decided to pass the ball around it became a high level game of “Piggy in the Middle”.
The Porks did have possession plenty of times even if only briefly. Wild Boar had an almighty crack at goals from deep in our own half while their keeper was on field galavanting about. It went very very close to target but no bacon. Duncham was again solid when called upon to take it to their keeper but his 5 year plan is still in tact. Honey Baked Ham was trying to dominate the halves for The Porks but everytime the ball came his way instant pressure was applied by Brown Eyes as if they were scared of what he may do with some quality possession.
The Sultan’s header on target was a good one but not good enough to foil the keeper. Brains also had an outstanding top shelf crack at goals from 15 metres out that hit the crossbar. The only bummer was that the ball Brains kicked came from another game. At least the crowd of 9 were up on their feet jumping around.
At our end of the field HusseyHof was having a running battle with Mitch H. which was exciting. HusseyHof was diving about putting his body on the line for The Porks trying to keep the scoreline respectable. He did well letting in just 3 goals.
As Rocky Balboa may’ve said in Rocky 5 – “it’s not how hard you hit but how hard you can be hit & still come forward”. This kinda character building & downright refusal to give in gave the Porks some much needed balance that they’ll search for & find in future games – namely the next one against The Goats.
8-0 win to Brown Eyes.
There were no skid marks left behind tonight. The Porks gave it their all & The Porks of yester Year probably would’ve gone down by 20. BOG ( Best On Ground ) went to everyone on both sides for never giving up, having a laugh and for playing within the Spirit of the Game.
When is a loss not a loss ? When it’s an education and that’s exactly what tonight’s game was all about for The Porks. The full esky was very much loved after the match. At about 9pm Thursday night the Bangalow Tourist Board was inundated with phone calls from all the worlds leading scientists wanting to see what is believed to be the shapes of 8 Pigs wearing boots ,all half buried into Bangalows red soil out there on The Field of Dreams.
The 8 pig shapes were the result of The Porks crashing down to earth from the lofty heights of their Pink Cloud 9 after last weeks historic 2 nil victory. While some may say we landed with a thud after the pig-hiding we copped at the feet of ol’ Brown eyes tonight. We say …….
“Welcome back Porks” !
And that’s exactly what was said to us when we entered the Bowlo. The Zeps brought along Chris Lagan’s mate Jimoen for the ride. Fun was had by all til they closed the doors behind us – again.
Thats a Pork Wrap.