After a hot blue skied day the heat hung around til 7pm for The Porks kick off against The Gunners. We trotted out onto field 12 which you could say is the equivalent of the “Nose bleed section” of Bangalow stadium. That’s fine by us as we know we can’t always Hog the limelight.
It enables other teams the opportunity to show off what they’ve got & it gives us Porks some well deserved time away from the spotlight & out of range from the Porks mad paparazzi.
We felt sorry for our opposition because down on field 12 it’s nearly a different postcode & time zone, it’s like “Outer Space” where no-one can hear you scream !
For us on the other hand Pigs “can fly” & have been seen in Outer Space. Remember Neil Armstrong’s famous quote ” that’s One small step for Pig , One Giant leap for Pigkind.
As 7pm kick off approached ……
BrentBrunoCraigDanTim were unable to play either through injury or attempting to save the World. So The Porks were down on troops tonight & with 75% of the Porks goals having been scored by 2 sidelined players – Brent Wild Boar (2 goals) and Bruno “Pigdog Pork” (1 goal) it left only Mat “Kevin Bacon” Pork as the only goal scoring machine left on the paddock ( you do the math as to how many he’s scored ? ). So would tonight be the night for another Porks player to shine & step up on the podium as a Porks Goal scoring machine ?
Mr. H blew the whistle for game” on.
Former keeper Colin “The Huss” HusseyHof took the field in his trusty old pozzie as goalie as G-Por Keeper made his way to the sports fields. The Hoff kept a clean sheet for the first few minutes & seemed comfortable in his old role before moving out onto the paddock.
The Porks were playing well, they had a fair bit of energy & some structure. It was as though they had a real game plan. The opposition had youth on their side & some skilful players but were finding it hard to break through our defensive barrier. It wasn’t quite a Pork Curtain but at times Isaac “Brains” Brandon Pork (from Thunderbirds) was like a 1 man wrecking ball in defence smashing everything that the Gunners threw our way.
It was now that DuncHam Pork blew out a Hammy & called it quits for the night & he joined us on the sideline.
Now that DuncHam was off the field The Gunners were Gunner do this , Gunner do that,Gunner be all over us except the Porks hung tough & actually gave them something to think about when Ace “Double Hammy sniper ” had a length of the field run and shot at goal but sprayed his attempt wide of the mark. Things were looking good in Pork world !
Then we had 3 runs upfield with 3 cracks at goal in 3 mins. Yes definitely things were looking good but we needed to capitalise, we needed to score.
After 15mins of non stop action we were still right in this battle & we still seemed fairly fresh due to rapid interchanges. We were also putting on a masterful display of skill ie: passing the ball to each other.
We did create chances to score but mostly our last pass would let us down or our shot at goal wouldn’t really trouble their keeper. Then unfortunately against the run of play the Gunners scored a fine goal.
Only 1 nil down after 20mins equates
to a super effort from the Porks in a highly entertaining game. Then in a matter of a minute it was 2 nil at the 21 minute mark.
Hopefully it doesn’t continue on like this now with goals flowing every minute ……? No it would not because our keeper G-Por Keeper was having a whale of a game too.He was throwing himself at everything round that was heading towards him & doing an incredible job of treating his goalmouth like a temple.
Luckily Mat “Kevin Bacon” ,( who’d also had a great game ) along with Isaac “Brains” Brandon ,Colin “the Huss” HusseyHof, Pork brothers (from different mothers) Brett & Shane Porks remained focused and it stayed 2 nil as the halftime siren sounded.
It was both a relaxed & excited halftime chat about the surf, what everyone was up to on the weekend & who might score our next goal & what they might eat & drink at the Bowlo after the match.
The second half started much like the first half with one team kicking off !
Players wise we’d never been this stretched for Porks before. It really tested us mentally & physically.
At times we were our own worst enemies as we couldn’t hear the refs calls through our own panting & gasping sucking in the big air’s. If only we’d had 2 first halves rather than a first & second half as it always seems we slip away from our game plan of keeping structure after the halftime break. I think it’s called lack of fitness. Luckily G-Por Keeper was still keeping us in the game by saving everything.
Ace “double Hammy sniper” was giving it his all having shots at goals regularly. One shot in particular had such height & power behind it that the ball may be lost in the creek forever. Even his son -our coach Mick ( aged 9 ) was asking for $30 if he found it. I think Mick is still searching…….
Even Angus Pork Lord got in on the act & actually scored a superb goal but it didn’t count as it went in over on field 9 in a set of goal posts that weren’t being used.
It’d been a while since each Pork player on the field had displayed enough guts & determination to take out the “PorkMan of the Match” award but tonight seemed like the night as everyone had their moments of glory, everyone had had a purple patch of form tonight in a fantastic display of Porks Football. Then Isaac “Brains Brandon” had the chance of a lifetime to write himself into Porks history, to write his own cheque book but the opportunity that comes once a century had passed him by with the flick of the boot somehow painfully lifting the ball up over the top of an open goalmouth.
That missed opportunity may haunt Isaac for a lifetime. The fact that “the Huss” later sent him U -Tube footage of millionaire professional football/soccer players missing “sitters” from 10ft out probably didn’t ease the pain either ! PorkShit happens Isaac “Brains” Porkshit happens !!!
The Gunners went on to score 3 more goals , one was a ripper from their corner kick. It was sent over the top of the goalmouth to an unmarked player standing at the back of the pack who sweetly belted the ball on the volley down low into the back of the net. G-Por Keeper had no chance despite being superPorkHuman-like throughout the match.
Game Over 5nil to The Gunners.
That’s a Pork Wrap.